epilogue & acknowledgements

My Testimony:

My life changed a little over three years ago. Actually, it is probably more accurate for me to say that I changed a little over three years ago. Your life changes when you get married or have kids. Your life changes when you start a new job or move into a new home. What happened to me was far more profound. 

I got into my car before dawn on a Saturday morning for my weekly round of golf. Instead of happy thoughts about the round to come or the weekend ahead, I was consumed with anxiety, fear, and sadness. I hated my job and the life that I was building for my family. I was ashamed of the man, husband, and father I had become. I had neglected my friends. I felt completely alone, and my mind was full of dark thoughts.  If I am being honest, I hated myself. This sense of brokenness had been building over a period of months, and I had exhausted all the possible solutions over which I had control. By this point, I had made the decision to seek God. I had picked up an old copy of “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren[1]and started reading it in search of guidance. I had started listening to praise and worship music in the car. I had started praying more. I’d love to tell you that the answers to my prayers were immediate, but they were not. So, on that drive to the golf course, I was anxious and impatient, but, more than that, I was sad. Actually, I was more than sad. I was angry and I was hopeless. I needed God and I was desperate for Him to save me from the brokenness that had consumed me.

While I was driving, a song came on the radio – “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury.[2] I am not a music lover by nature, and had really only started listening to praise and worship music in my car in the hope that God would see it as a small act of faith on my part. If I listened, maybe some of God’s grace would rub off on me. The chorus of the song says:

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine

I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give yourself away

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God.

I remember thinking it odd that God would leave “the ninety-nine” to chase down only one of His lost children. I actually found it neglectful and even a bit ridiculous that God would do such a thing. And then it hit me. Mind you, I have believed in God my entire life so the concept of His love wasn’t foreign to me. I have been confident of my salvation my entire life, but I never truly considered the cost – the price God paid for me. In that moment, for the first time, I had a glimpse of an understanding of God’s love. Of course He would leave the ninety-nine! God’s love is so immense and infinite that He sent His own Son to die for my salvation. If God would do that, is there anything that He wouldn’t do for me?  I just had to put my real faith and real trust in Him. I had to let go of my grip on the life I was creating, and reach out to the Author of Life to guide me to and through the life He created me for! I had to surrender completely to Him. And that’s exactly what I did – in the car on the way to the golf course. 

What happened next completely overwhelmed me – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

I experienced God’s love in an indescribable and transformational way. It filled the car. It swallowed me up. It filled every cell of my body and every fiber of my soul. Whatever I thought I knew about love immediately became inconsequential by comparison. In the car and on the way to the golf course, in what was perhaps the darkest moment of my life, God found me – one of His lost children - and He immersed me with His love. It was the most profound and joyous experience of my life, and I haven’t been the same since. 

I no longer need faith in God’s existence. I have felt His love, and, in that love, I felt His presence. God is real. God loves me more deeply than I can describe.  I know that He has a plan for me to live in His love now and for eternity, and I have been seeking His plan and His love ever since. 

My life looks very different now. In yesterday’s project, I highlighted Reverand Bonhoeffer’s writings on “costly grace.” It resonates deeply with me. You see, in many ways, my transformational experience on the way to the golf course cost me my career. Professional accolades and advancement seemed trivial compared to the plan God has for me. It cost me my identity as an attorney and a corporate executive, but it gave me a new identity as a child of the living God, an anointed husband, and a father who models God’s love to his children. It has cost me income, but it has given me purpose. It has cost me pride, but I now fully understand my need for a Savior. 

I don’t know what comes next. I am still very much a work in progress, but I know where to go for help. I know who to seek for guidance. I know God has a plan for me. And I intend to seek it and follow Him.

This book, in many ways, is the story of the path I have taken in search of God’s plan. I dove headfirst into God’s Word in search of answers to the issues and obstacles in my life, and every daily project reflects a topic for which I have sought guidance for myself. Along the way, I have listened to literally hundreds of sermons at church, in my car, and at my home. Pastor Josh Howerton and Pastor Mike Breaux from Lakepointe Church in Rockwall, Texas, have been a constant source of spiritual and Biblical guidance for me as a man, husband, father, friend, worker, and disciple. Pastor Joby Martin of The Church of Eleven22 in Jacksonville, Florida, taught me how to stand firm in the faith and encouraged me to be “saved not soft!” Pastor Clint Purvis, the former College Minister at First Baptist Tallahassee and current Florida State Football Chaplain, sparked a fire for God in my heart and set me on this path over twenty-five years ago. The words in this book were unquestionably inspired by their teachings and their ministry, and I sincerely hope that my writing honors their faith, their wisdom, and their leadership.

This book has been two years in the making, and it hasn’t been an easy road. My wife, Kelly, has been more than a rock throughout this endeavor. She has been more than a precious jewel. She is the love of my life, and, with God’s love as my template, I love her now more than ever before. Life has been difficult for my family at times during the two years while I have been writing this, but my oldest daughter laid her head on my shoulder last night before dinner. My youngest daughter held my hand in the parking lot yesterday when we were leaving her school. It was a reminder that the selfish and detached father that started this book two years ago has been replaced by a devoted man with a divine calling for his kids. My parents have supported me throughout this process in ways that I can never repay. I am blessed, and my family is God’s greatest earthly gift to me.  

God put this book in my heart. After I experienced His love, I wanted more of it. I wanted more of Him. I wanted to share that type of love with my wife and kids. I wanted to tell others about it in a meaningful way. I wanted to share my experience, and the grace that led to my transformation, with other men in search of answers to the same type of brokenness that I felt. I hope that this book will inspire other men, like me, to seek God.

I said on Day 14 of this Project that you want what God gave me. You want to experience God’s love. It can heal your brokenness. It can give you a new purpose and a new calling. It can give you a new life and lead you to true blessings. 

All you have to do is seek Him. All you have to do is follow Him. 

[1] Warren, Rick. The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? Zondervan, 2013.

[2] Asbury, Cory. Reckless Love. Bethel Music, 27 Oct. 2017.If customers can’t find it, it doesn’t exist. Clearly list and describe the services you offer. Also, be sure to showcase a premium service.